Talking With Your Gifted Child's Teacher

Parent-teacher conferences are a great way to get to know your child's teacher and to let them know something about you and your concerns. While school-wide parent-teacher conferences and open houses may allow you to learn about a teacher's policies and personality, they are usually too short to allow for an in-depth discussion of a child's problems or needs.

An ideal way to discuss your child with their teacher is to set up a private conference.

Here are some tips for a successful discussion.


Make a List of Concerns

Mother talking to teacher

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A list of concerns is a good way to start preparing for a meeting with the teacher. If you are concerned about homework, write that down. If you are concerned with behavior, write that down. It is neither necessary nor desirable to write down every single concern you might have. Instead, focus on one or two of the most important issues. Trying to cover every single issue at one meeting can be counterproductive.


Talk to Your Child

Let your child know that you are planning to talk to the teacher. Chances are that you are already aware of your child's feelings on the issues you want to discuss, but they might have something to add. In addition, it's good to listen to both your child's and the teacher's point of view. Sometimes a child misreads a situation, and sometimes a teacher is unaware of a child's feelings. Be sure your child knows you are going to try to resolve problems; you're not just going to complain.


Put Together a Portfolio of Your Child's Work

If you've been keeping a portfolio of your child's work, look through it for examples of work that might support what you want the teacher to know about your son or daughter. For example, you are concerned that the homework is too easy, find samples of work on a similar level your child had done the previous year (or two) or current work that is more advanced. Many children, especially the teacher pleasers, don't always reveal their true abilities, so the teacher might not be aware of them.


Set up an Appointment

Your concerns about your child are important, so you probably want to discuss them as soon as possible. However, you have a better chance of successfully resolving any issues if you make an appointment with the teacher. Making an appointment has several benefits:

  • Both you and the teacher have time to prepare
  • You are less like to catch the teacher at a bad moment
  • It shows respect and gets you started on the right foot

Keep a Positive Attitude

A positive attitude is important before, during, and after a conference with the teacher. Children can pick up negative attitudes, and if a child thinks the parent disapproves of or doesn't respect a teacher, the child will think such an attitude is acceptable, which will just make any existing problems worse and more difficult to resolve. Leave your anger at home, since it can make you look irrational and cause the teacher to become defensive, neither of which will help your child.


Avoid the Words "Bored" and "Gifted"

Few things can upset a teacher more than telling them that your child is bored in their classroom. Most teachers don't purposely set out to create dull lessons; they usually work hard to create lessons that will be fun and interesting. The word "gifted" makes some teachers feel they are talking with one more pushy parent. Instead, talk about learning styles and preferences. You can point out, for example, that your child learns best when they can discuss the material.


Keep the Focus on Your Child

Teachers have more than one child to worry about and so they may respond to your concerns by pointing out what other children need. You can say that while you appreciate their concern for all the children, you are there to discuss your child. For example, a teacher may say that other children may notice and object to them giving your child special assignments. Let the teacher know that you appreciate the fact that they are concerned about the other children, but your concern is what is fair to your child. Gifted children need work that matches their abilities, just like other children do.


Ask for Clarifications

Most teachers are trained to focus on deficits — academic, emotional, and social. Consequently, a teacher may point out where they think your child needs improvement. For example, they may tell you that your child is too immature to handle more challenging work. Ask what makes the teacher think your child is immature and ask for examples of immature behavior. Also, ask if other children behave in similar ways. It may be that the behavior is fairly typical for that age group.


Develop a Plan of Action

Work with the teacher to develop specific steps that you will both take to help resolve the issue. Few school issues can be handled at school alone. For example, if your child isn't turning in his homework and you are asking that he be given more challenging work, you might agree to set a specific time for homework and agree to check it, while the teacher might agree to try giving him more advanced work.


Send a Thank You Note

Within a day or two after the meeting, send the teacher a note thanking them for meeting with you. List the steps that you and the teacher agreed to take to address your concerns. This note serves not only as a thank you but also as a way to outline your understanding of the steps you will both take or of any other outcome of the meeting. If there are any misunderstandings, they can be resolved before they cause problems.

2 Sources
Verywell Family uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
  1. Lasater K. Parent–teacher conflict related to student abilities: the impact on students and the family–school partnership. School Community Journal. 2016;26(2):237-262.

  2. Keefer N. The Presence of Deficit Thinking Among Social Studies Educators. J Soc Stud Educ Res. 2018;7(3):50-75.

By Carol Bainbridge
Carol Bainbridge has provided advice to parents of gifted children for decades, and was a member of the Indiana Association for the Gifted.