Discipline Strategies How to Raise Mentally Strong Kids By Amy Morin, LCSW facebook twitter instagram Amy Morin, LCSW, is the Editor-in-Chief of Verywell Mind. She's also a psychotherapist, international bestselling author and host of the Mentally Strong People podcast. Learn about our editorial process Amy Morin, LCSW Reviewed by Reviewed by Ann-Louise T. Lockhart, PsyD, ABPP on October 04, 2020 facebook linkedin instagram Ann-Louise T. Lockhart, PsyD, ABPP, is a board-certified pediatric psychologist, parent coach, author, speaker, and owner of A New Day Pediatric Psychology, PLLC. Learn about our Review Board Ann-Louise T. Lockhart, PsyD, ABPP on October 04, 2020 Print istockphoto Mentally strong kids are prepared for the challenges of the world. To be clear, mental strength isn't about acting tough or suppressing emotions. It's also not about being unkind or acting defiant. Instead, mentally strong kids are resilient and they have the courage and confidence to reach their full potential. Techniques to Raise Strong Children Kids who are mentally strong are able to tackle problems, bounce back from failure, and cope with hardships. Helping kids develop mental strength requires a three-pronged approach. There are three ways to help kids become mentally strong.Help them learn to control their emotions so their emotions don’t control themShow them how to take positive action.Teach them to replace negative thoughts with more realistic thoughts There are many parenting strategies, discipline techniques, and teaching tools that help kids build mental muscle. Here are 10 strategies that will help your child develop the strength he needs to become a mentally strong adult: Teach Specific Skills Discipline should be about teaching your kids to do better next time, not making them suffer for their mistakes. Use consequences that teach specific skills, such as problem-solving skills, impulse control, and self-discipline. These skills will help your child learn to behave productively, even when he’s faced with temptation, tough circumstances, and difficult setbacks. Let Your Child Make Mistakes Teach your child that mistakes are part of the learning process so he doesn’t feel ashamed or embarrassed about getting something wrong. Allow for natural consequences when it’s safe to do so and talk about how to avoid repeating the same mistake next time. Encourage Healthy Self-Talk It’s hard for kids to feel mentally strong when they’re bombarding themselves with put-downs or when they’re predicting catastrophic outcomes. Teach your child to reframe negative thoughts so she can think more realistically. Developing a realistic, yet optimistic, outlook can help kids get through tough times and perform at their peak. Show Your Child How to Face Fears If your child avoids anything scary, she'll never gain the confidence she needs to handle feeling uncomfortable. Whether your child is afraid of the dark, or she is terrified to meet new people, help your child face her fears one small step at a time. Cheer her on, praise her efforts, and reward her for being brave and she'll learn that she's a capable kid who can handle stepping outside her comfort zone. Allow Your Child to Feel Uncomfortable Although it can be tempting to help a child whenever she's struggling, rescuing her from distress will reinforce to her that she's helpless. Let your child lose, allow her to feel bored, and insist she is responsible even when she doesn't want to. With support and guidance, struggles can help your child build mental strength. Build Character Kids need a strong moral compass to help them make healthy decisions. Work hard to instill your values in your child. Create opportunities for life lessons that reinforce your values regularly. For example, emphasize the importance of honesty and compassion, rather than winning at all costs. Children who understand their values are more likely to make healthy choices—even when others may disagree with their actions. Examples of Household Rules for the Entire Family Make Gratitude a Priority Gratitude is a wonderful remedy for self-pity and other bad habits that can prevent your child from being mentally strong. Help your child affirm all the good in the world, so that even on his worst days, he’ll see that he has much to feel thankful for. Gratitude can boost your child’s mood and encourage proactive problem-solving. Affirm Personal Responsibility Building mental strength involves accepting personal responsibility. Allow for explanations—but not excuses when your child makes a mistake or misbehaves. Correct your child if he tries to blame others for how he thinks, feels, or behave. Teach Emotion Regulation Skills Don't calm your child down when she's angry or cheer her up every time she's sad. Instead, teach her how to deal with uncomfortable emotions on her own, so she doesn't grow to depend on you to regulate her mood. Kids who understand their feelings and know how to deal with them are better prepared to deal with challenges. Role Model Mental Strength Showing your child how to be mentally strong is the best way to encourage him to develop mental strength. Talk about your personal goals and show your child that you’re taking steps to grow stronger. Make self-improvement and mental strength a priority in your own life and avoid the things mentally strong parents don’t do. How to Teach Kids to Have Grit Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback! Get diet and wellness tips to help your kids stay healthy and happy. Sign Up You're in! Thank you, {{form.email}}, for signing up. There was an error. Please try again. What are your concerns? Other Inaccurate Hard to Understand Submit Article Sources Verywell Family uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy. Morin A. 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don't Do: Raising Self-Assured Children and Training Their Brains for a Life of Happiness, Meaning, and Success. New York, NY: William Morrow, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers; 2017.