Discipline 7 Tips for Disciplining a Depressed Child By Amy Morin, LCSW Amy Morin, LCSW Facebook Twitter Amy Morin, LCSW, is the Editor-in-Chief of Verywell Mind. She's also a psychotherapist, international bestselling author and host of the The Verywell Mind Podcast. Learn about our editorial process Updated on April 30, 2021 Medically reviewed by Ann-Louise T. Lockhart, PsyD, ABPP Medically reviewed by Ann-Louise T. Lockhart, PsyD, ABPP Facebook LinkedIn Ann-Louise T. Lockhart, PsyD, ABPP, is a board-certified pediatric psychologist, parent coach, author, speaker, and owner of A New Day Pediatric Psychology, PLLC. Learn about our Medical Review Board Print Tara Moore / Taxi / Getty Images Depression doesn’t just affect adults, it also affects millions of children and adolescents. Some of the symptoms that accompany childhood depression include irritability, social withdrawal, and low energy. Children with depression may also struggle to manage their behavior. In 2013, 11 percent of 12- to 17-year-olds experienced a major depressive episode. Many younger children are also diagnosed with depressive disorders, such as persistent depressive disorder or disruptive mood dysregulation disorder, every year. Children with depression may require a slightly different approach to discipline. Here are seven tips for disciplining a depressed child. Work With Your Child’s Treatment Team If you suspect your child has depression, speak to his pediatrician or a mental health professional. Depression is treatable, but without appropriate intervention, it may get worse. Treatment may include therapy, parent training, or medication. Work with treatment providers to learn about the steps you can take to best support your child’s mental health. Inquire about the specific strategies you should use to address behavior problems like non-compliance and disrespect. How Mental Illness Develops in Adolescence Establish Healthy Rules All kids need rules, but children with depression sometimes require specific rules that support a healthy lifestyle. A depressed child may want to stay up late and sleep all day, or he may want to spend all of his time playing video games because he lacks the energy to play outside. Set limits on electronics and discourage your child from sleeping during the day. You may also need to create rules about personal hygiene as children with depression sometimes don’t want to shower or change their clothes. Keep your household rules simple, and emphasize the importance of being healthy. How to Establish House Rules Provide Structure to Your Child’s Day Kids with depression often struggle to fill their time with meaningful activities. For example, a child may sit in his room all day, or he may put off doing his chores as long as possible. Create a simple schedule that provides structure to your child’s day. Set aside time for homework, chores, and other responsibilities and allow him to have limited electronics time once his work is done. Children with depression sometimes struggle with sleep issues, so it’s important to establish a healthy bedtime routine as well. Dos and Don'ts of a Good Bedtime Routine Catch Your Child Being Good Positive discipline is most effective for children with depression. Look for opportunities to praise your child by saying things like, “You did a great job cleaning your room today,” or, “Thank you for helping me clean up after dinner.” Praise will encourage your child to keep up the good work. How to Encourage Positive Behavior Create a Reward System Rather than focus on taking away privileges for misbehavior, emphasize to your child that he can earn rewards for good behavior. A behavior chart or a token economy system can motivate depressed kids. Choose one or two behaviors to work on first—like taking a shower before 7 p.m. If he follows through, let him earn a token or sticker that can be exchanged for bigger rewards, like a trip to the park. Or, provide small, immediate rewards for compliance, like 15 minutes to play on the computer. How to Create an Effective Reward System Separate Your Child’s Emotion from the Behavior Discipline your child’s behavior, not their emotions. Don’t scold them for being angry or lecture them about being in a bad mood. Instead, send the message that emotions are OK, it’s what they choose to do with those emotions that matters. Teach them healthy coping strategies so they can deal with uncomfortable feelings, like anger, frustration, embarrassment, or sadness. How to Teach Kids to Deal With Uncomfortable Feelings Consider the Implications of Negative Consequences Children with depression need negative consequences for breaking the rules, but you should choose those consequences carefully. Taking away your child’s ability to socialize with friends, for example, could make his depression worse. Short-term consequences, like time-out, can be very effective for younger children with depression. Consequences that take place over several days, like being grounded for a week, can backfire because children with depression may lose their motivation to earn their privileges back. Strategies to Consider When Establishing Time-Out 8 Sources Verywell Family uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy. Wilkinson PO. Managing depression in childhood and adolescence. London J Prim Care (Abingdon). 2009;2(1):15–20. doi:10.1080/17571472.2009.11493236 Haine-Schlagel R, Walsh NE. A review of parent participation engagement in child and family mental health treatment. 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Internet guidance on time out: inaccuracies, omissions, and what to tell parents instead. J Dev Behav Pediatr. 2014;35(4):239–246. doi:10.1097/DBP.0000000000000059 Additional Reading Depression in Children and Teens. American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. Depression Fact Sheet 404. American Academy of Pediatrics. By Amy Morin, LCSW Amy Morin, LCSW, is the Editor-in-Chief of Verywell Mind. She's also a psychotherapist, an international bestselling author of books on mental strength and host of The Verywell Mind Podcast. She delivered one of the most popular TEDx talks of all time. See Our Editorial Process Meet Our Review Board Share Feedback Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback! What is your feedback? Other Helpful Report an Error Submit