10 Snappy Comebacks to the Question "Are They Twins?"

Are They Twins? How to Answer with a Snappy Comeback

It's not that we mean to be rude, or that we don't appreciate your admiration of our offspring. It's just that we get a little tired of answering, especially when you are the fourteenth person to ask since we entered the grocery store. And that we know your initial question is going to lead to three more, and we've only got five more minutes before our (obviously twin) babies are going to have a meltdown that will register on the Richter scale. 

Besides, isn't it obvious? Check the signs: Two babies or toddlers, who may or may not look alike, in a monstrous double stroller. One parent, likely sporting rumpled clothes with spots of spit up. Note said parent's expression: the weary, sleep-deprived haze in her eyes and the way she avoids eye contact; the determined set of her mouth as she maneuvers that stroller so efficiently through the aisles. 

So forgive us for being a little bit annoyed by all the questions, and permit us to daydream that some day we might actually answer that pervasive question with one of these snappy comebacks. 

No, they were triplets. But the dog ate one ...

This is an old joke -- I first heard it more than twenty years ago when my own twins were babies and the target of the inevitable "Are they twins?" question. This snappy comeback will leave bystanders puzzled and perhaps even horrified, so best to deliver it with a sarcastic smile. 

No. I found an extra baby in the parking lot and decided to keep it.

 Follow up this snappy comeback with a wink. Your inquisitor will have to pause and ponder your statement, and that's your chance to make a quick getaway. It will stop them in their tracks and leave them wondering about you for the rest of the day. 

No. They're clones.

Fellow twin parents will understand the irony behind this snappy comeback answer to the question "Are they twins?" After all, parents of twins spend a good deal of time disproving the notion that twins are clones and encouraging their childrens' individuality. 

Yes. When God sees a face He likes, he makes it twice!

This snappy comeback is particularly appropriate for monozygotic (identical) twins with similar features. It's a way to put a positive spin on twins, acknowledging that your family considers it a special blessing, not a curiosity. 

No. One is a hologram.

Want to leave your irritating interrogator feeling particularly puzzled? Make this claim. Say it very mysteriously. Then slink away. 

What do you mean twins? I only see one.

Can you keep a straight face? That's what you'll need to pull off this snappy comeback. Insist that there's only one child. Practice looking confused without cracking up. 

Yes! Would you like one?

This is the perfect snappy comeback for those situations where someone insists on stopping to make conversation when you're in the midst of a crisis. For example, when one baby is screaming his lungs out, or both toddlers are throwing a fit. When you're coping with crying twins, you may be tempted to pawn them off, but instead, just use this snappy comeback to throw off well-intentioned, but nevertheless aggravating, strangers. They just might believe you'd do it! 

Actually, they're just womb mates.

It's true, after all.  

No. They're siblings born on the same day.

Again, another snappy comeback that is fully truthful (unless your twins are one of the rare sets with different birthdays). But the unexpected response is sure to confuse the questioner just enough to let you escape further conversation. 

We don't know for sure. We haven't had them tested.

While it is possible to test for twin type (aka zygosity), there is no test for twinship.  Maybe your questioner will think you simply misunderstood the question. But you'll know that they simply misunderstood your politeness for a complete lack of desire to discuss the issue any further. 

What's your favorite snappy comeback? How do you respond when strangers ask you, "Are they twins?" Post on my Facebook page and share your answer.