Signs You Are Overparenting Your Child

Doing too much for your child could backfire.
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Overparenting refers to a parent’s attempts to micromanage a child’s life. Constantly hovering over a child to ensure he's making good decisions, protecting him from any hint of physical or emotional discomfort, and preventing him from facing the consequences of his behavior are just a few of the well-intentioned goals of the overprotective parent.

Overparenting usually stems from a parent’s desire to manage their own discomfort as they can’t tolerate watching their child get hurt, fail, or make a mistake. At other times, parents feel guilty about disciplining their child and they refuse to enforce consequences.

Ongoing hypervigilance and overindulgence can have serious consequences—such as stunting a child’s development and causing a child to become overly dependent.

Here are the telltale warning signs that you’re overparenting your child:

1. You Get Into Power Struggles Over Little Things

Frequent power struggles can signal that you’re being too picky or too demanding. If you find yourself arguing with a 5-year-old about eating enough vegetables, or you’re getting into constant battles with your 15-year-old about the way she styles her hair, you may be preventing her from developing the independence she needs.

2. You Struggle to Let Your Child Make His Own Choices

Sometimes, it’s easy to assume there’s a “best way” or a “right way” to do everything but that assumption can lead to micromanaging your child's every move. If you can’t let go and allow your child to explore new opportunities—like wearing clothes that don’t match or putting the bathtub on the roof when she’s playing with her dollhouse—it’s likely that you’re overparenting.

3. You Can't Stand to See Your Child Fail

Nobody likes watching their child fail, but if you jump in to rescue your child whenever she experiences problems, she won’t learn from her mistakes. If you’re quick to tell her the right answer every time she’s struggling to figure out her homework or you intervene at the first hint of a problem during a play date, your child won’t develop problem-solving skills.

Sometimes, kids need to experience failure firsthand. Recovering from failure provides children with opportunities to discover how they can do things differently in the future. 

4. You Worry About Many Issues Other Parents Don't Worry About

If you’re always the only parent who seems concerned about your 6-year-old playing on the monkey bars at the playground, or you can’t stand the thought of your 13-year-old crossing the street with friends, it can be tempting to assume it's because you’re more caring than the other parents.

But before drawing that conclusion, consider the possibility that you may be overparenting. If you don’t treat your child like a smart, competent human being, you may be cheating her from reaching her full potential.

5. You Argue With Adults Over How They Treat Your Child

If you find yourself frequently arguing with teachers, coaches, daycare providers, and other caregivers about their rules or the way your child is treated, it may mean you’re overparenting. Helicopter parents often call teachers to demand their child to get a better grade or they forbid Grandma to allow the children to eat any sugar.

Trying to micromanage how other people treat your child all the time isn’t healthy. Kids benefit from learning from different rules in different environments.

6. You Struggle to Identify Age-Appropriate Expectations

Sometimes, overparenting stems from too high of expectations. For example, a parent may get a child involved in dozens of activities and may even manage a child's free time to ensure that she's always being productive.

At other times, overparenting results when parents have expectations that are too low. Parents who don't believe their child is capable of behaving independently may do everything for him—like his homework—because they worry their child can't do it right.

7. You Don't Give Your Child Many Responsibilities

Overparenting often equates to overindulgence. If you don’t assign chores, or you don’t expect her to be independent, she won't learn life skills. Sparing your child from responsibility will only harm her in the long-term.

Parenting your child in a way that prevents you from experiencing any anxiety isn’t healthy. It’s important to allow your child the freedom to be a kid. Overparenting can prevent your child from experiencing a rich and full childhood that will prepare her to become a responsible adult.

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