10 Signs You Are Raising a Strong-Willed Child

Strong-willed kids are more than just a little stubborn.

Strong-willed children do not accept no without a fight.
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Although all kids can be strong-willed sometimes, a truly strong-willed child exhibits certain characteristics consistently. Also referred to as “spirited children,” strong-willed kids' temperaments are often evident from the minute they're born. 

Being strong-willed isn't the same as being a "bad kid." Strong-willed kids are simply determined to do things according to their own terms. And quite often, that causes problems for the adults around them.

But before you start thinking that your child's defiance is going to make him a menace to society, keep in mind that his attitude might actually be an asset at some points in his life. In fact, a 40-year study published in Developmental Psychology found that kids who break the rules become some of the highest income earners as adults.

Here are the 10 most common characteristics and behaviors of strong-willed children:

1. They Exhibit Intense Angry Outbursts 

While all kids throw temper-tantrums, strong-willed kids exhibit intense anger that doesn’t subside for a long time. They have low frustration tolerance and they struggle to express their anger in a socially appropriate manner. So you're likely to find a strong-willed child stomping his feet, throwing himself to the ground, or showing you how loud he can yell.

2. They Demand to Know Why 

One of the worst things a strong-willed child can hear is, “Because I said so.” They want to know why they can’t do something or why you’ve set certain limits. They'll ask questions and insist your rules aren't fair.

3. They Can Argue Forever

Strong-willed kids don’t give up when they disagree. They love to engage in power struggles and their stubborn persistence often works for them as they tire other people out. They're great debaters who are good at finding loopholes and exceptions.

4. They’re Bossy

Strong-willed kids have a vision in their mind about the way things should be and they’ll often orchestrate ways to turn that idea into reality. They have no problem telling their peers where to stand or how to behave and they’re not shy about telling adults what to do.

5. They Refuse to do Things They Don't Want to Do

Don’t waste your energy trying to convince a strong-willed child to do something she doesn’t want to do. Nagging, begging, and rationalizing isn’t likely to get you anywhere. Strong-willed kids will dig in their heels and refuse to budge.

6. They’re Impatient

Strong-willed kids want to do everything according to their timetables. They hate waiting in line at the grocery store, they don’t like waiting for their turn when playing a game, and they aren’t interested in sitting in the waiting room at the doctor’s office. They don’t want to waste a second waiting for someone else.

7. They Make Their Own Rules

Strong-willed kids aren’t interested in hearing your opinion about when it's time for bed. Instead, they’re likely to insist they’ll go to sleep when they’re tired. They prefer to make their own policies and set their own guidelines rather than follow an authority figure's rules.

8. They Insist on Getting What They Think They Deserve

Strong-willed kids struggle to understand the difference between a 'need' and a 'want.' Whether they want to play outside in the rain or eat a hot dog for breakfast, they’ll claim they need to do it. And even when they're getting the most, they'll insist they're not getting their fair share.

9. They Ignore Warnings They Don't Want to Hear

Tell a strong-willed child to 'be careful,' or 'use walking feet,' and if she’s not interested, she’ll simply ignore you. Strong-willed kids are good at using selective hearing and they easily tune out anything that doesn’t suit their needs.

10. They Move at Their Own Pace

Tell a strong-willed child she can go to the park and she’s likely to move like a bull in a china shop in an effort to get out the door. Tell her to get ready to go to the grocery store and she may dawdle for an hour. Strong-willed kids often eat fast and talk fast but then move at a snail’s pace when doing something they aren’t interested in doing.

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