Raising Your Daughter as a Single Dad

Raising children is not easy, even for the most seasoned parents. And being a single father to a daughter can be particularly daunting, as you navigate all the social situations, complex feelings, and developmental changes your daughter experiences—without a firsthand understanding of some of what she's going through.

Whatever the circumstances of your family situation, the challenges in raising a daughter as a single parent are very similar. There will be obstacles along the way, and you won't always know the right answer, but that's true of every parent. This advice can help smooth the path for yourself and your daughter.

While you are completely capable of raising your daughter alone, never underestimate the importance of inviting a female mentor into your daughter's life. Sometimes, a grandmother, aunt, or other family member can take on that role. Or enlist the help of a mom with a daughter the same age as yours. You also can ask for help from a female church youth leader, Girl Scout leader, or athletic coach.

Finding a strong and capable female role model is important to your daughter's success growing up. By having a woman walk alongside her, she will learn how to become confident and independent. Consequently, helping your daughter find and connect with a mentor is one of the most important gifts you can give her. It offers another layer of support and encouragement for your daughter. Every child needs to be surrounded by people who believe in her and support her.

Many men take an "I must fix this" mentality in their lives and relationships. They tend to listen long enough to identify a problem, and then offer a solution. Often, your daughter won't want you to fix her problems. Instead, she will want you to listen and understand what she is experiencing.

Learn how to be empathetic and compassionate, and your daughter will continue to come to you as a shoulder to lean on. This requires time, patience, and a willingness to make it a priority. But good communication is one of the most important things you can do to build a strong relationship with your daughter.

Both sons and daughters need help in developing problem-solving skills. When your daughter is faced with a challenge or a difficult choice, help her think through the issue. Encourage her to examine all of her options and come up with several alternatives for dealing with the problem.

While this process can feel counter-intuitive, especially if you are a take-charge kind of person, allowing your daughter to develop some independence and autonomy will serve her well throughout life. Plus, she will appreciate the time you take to help her think through different issues in a rational and constructive way. Remember, you are empowering your daughter when you help her develop these skills.

While it is natural for fathers to want to make everything okay for their children, it is not healthy for your daughter in the long run. Allow her to experience some of life's problems and challenges without rescuing her or trying to shield her from pain. If you are overprotective, your daughter will either rebel or become dependent, and neither of those outcomes is positive.

It's also important to give your daughter some space and respect her privacy. Allow her to take some limited risks. All these things will help her gain self-confidence and learn to believe in her abilities. And, in the meantime, you will build a bond of mutual trust because you have demonstrated that you believe in her as well.

Your daughter needs to feel your support, especially if you are her only parent. So be available to her as much as you can. Take an interest in the things that she's interested in. For instance, if she loves the stars, take her to a planetarium. Watch a meteor shower together. Talk about the latest discoveries and research regarding the stars and the planets. Showing her that you're interested in her passions demonstrates that ultimately, you're interested in her.

You can also show support by:

• Being home in the evenings if you can
• Helping her with her homework and asking about her day
• Attending her athletic contests and school events
• Spending time together doing what she enjoys, whether that's going to the movies, hiking, baking, and so on
• Being around the house when she has friends over

Sometimes helping a daughter through the transition of puberty can be a single dad's greatest emotional challenge. The best approach is to be upfront and honest about what she's experiencing in terms of hormones, emotions, and menstruation.

When you don't know the answers to your daughter's questions, look for them. Do your research. Enlist the help of her trusted female mentor if you feel overwhelmed and unsure of what to say. But make an effort. Don't ignore what she's experiencing or pretend it isn't happening.

If you're feeling especially awkward talking about hormones, menstruation, sex, and other similar topics, explain this before having your daughter talk to her mentor. If you don't, she might think there's something wrong with her or question your relationship. Open and honest communication is always the best policy.

Also, don't give up on fatherly hugs simply because she is growing up. Girls often feel unsure about how their body is changing, and they need to know that your love has not changed. They may be older, but deep down they still want to be your little girl. Being a constant source of love and support in your daughter's life will help her get through this challenging time.

It can be overwhelming to raise a daughter alone. But you can do it if you are sensitive to your daughter and her needs, and invest time in your relationship with her. In the end, you'll find great satisfaction in raising a wonderful daughter.