LGBTQ+ Kids at Increased Risk of Bullying—Here's How to Help

More than half of LGBTQ+ students in middle and high school were bullied in 2020. That alarming statistic comes from a report from the Trevor Project, released October 14th, 2021. These teens and preteens were also at higher risk of attempted suicide because of being bullied both on and offline.

Many students participated in digital education in 2020, but that didn't curb the reports of bullying. Instead, students faced taunting online.

Bullying can have long-lasting effects, so it is important to teach children to respect others, as well as to help those who've been bullied. Here's what parents can do.

What to Do If Your Child Is Being Bullied

Parents should always remain vigilant when it comes to their child’s behavior, especially as it relates to school. “When a child is being bullied, it often shows up at home as changes in their usual behavior or attitude,” said Michelle M. Reynolds, PhD, a clinical psychologist. “Some kids will start having difficulty sleeping, exhibit changes in appetite, have outbursts of temper, or stop enjoying favorite activities.”

Dr. Reynolds added that when children change their attitude about school or their social habits—like sitting at a different lunch table or getting a ride home from school with a different friend—it could be a sign of bullying. 

Keeping an open line of communication is also important, says Jennifer Weber, PsyD, the director of behavioral health for PM Pediatrics Behavioral Health. This makes it easier to pinpoint if bullying is happening. “Make it a habit to talk to your children about their day from the beginning so they are in the habit of expecting the questions and providing honest answers,” she said. “Be transparent about your observations and concerns using age- and developmentally appropriate language.”

It can sometimes be hard to get your teenager to talk to you. You can mitigate this by directly asking them questions about bullying, especially if you’re concerned it might be happening to them. “Using non-confrontational questions is helpful," says Dr. Reynolds. "Some examples are, ‘How are things going with kids at school?’ or ‘Are there any kids that seem to have a harder time with other students at school?’ This can help ease into conversations about the topic of bullying.”

If you find your child is being bullied—whether they’re a member of the LGBTQ+ community or not—it’s important to act immediately to ensure they’re safe. Dr. Reynolds suggests telling your child to confront their bully and ask them to stop if they are comfortable doing so. She said it can be a very effective method, especially if your child can confront their bully in private, where they’re more likely to listen.

However, if your child’s bully makes them feel unsafe, the best course of action may be going straight to school administrators or even the bully’s parents. "Inform the administration as well as classroom teachers early,” Dr. Weber said. “They can be instrumental in catching and addressing this behavior early, discouraging the aggressor. In most cases, the school will also help broker the interactions between sets of parents to keep it civil, appropriate, and documented.”

Dr. Reynolds also suggests sharing any of your own personal stories of struggles in school, so your child can see they aren’t alone. Even if you relate to exactly why they are being bullied, you were a teen at one time too, and probably have a story to share about someone who was mean to you. This is key in showing them support.

How to Support LGBTQ+ Children

Support and acceptance start at home. It can still be incredibly difficult to be an LGBTQ+ teen, which is evidenced by the Trevor Project’s research. If you’re loving and accepting of your child at home, though, it can help build their confidence, which can make it easier to deal with bullies at school.

Dr. Reynolds said, though, that you and your teen shouldn’t be afraid to ask for even more help from a professional. “If your child is having general difficulties with confidence, assertiveness, or social relationships, I encourage parents or caregivers to consider a few sessions with a therapist to focus on skill-building,” she said. “A parent coaching specialist can also be a great resource to discuss parenting concerns and find strategies to help your child and family be their best.” 

Dr. Weber also pointed toward the increased risk of suicide attempts among LGBTQ+ youth, suggesting parents be open about it with their children to try to prevent it from happening. “Although this is scary, it is important to check in early and often with your children and let them know your concerns,” she said. “Develop a plan before it happens so your child knows you are aware that such issues exist and are open to processing with them.”

Even if your LGBTQ+ child isn’t being bullied, it’s important to encourage them to be an ally to anyone who is struggling in school and promote acceptance among their peers. The more people who stand up to bullies, the less bullying will happen.