Tweens Tween Life Bullying Behavior Peaks in the Tween Years By Jennifer O'Donnell Jennifer O'Donnell holds a BA in English and has training in specific areas regarding tweens, covering parenting for over 8 years. Learn about our editorial process Jennifer O'Donnell Updated on June 21, 2020 Print FatCamera / Getty Images The tween years offer up a number of challenges, including puberty, middle school, and the possibility that your child may encounter (or be the target of) bullies. 48 percent of children say they've been the victim of bullying. Bullying is also on the rise, in part fueled by technology and a culture that permits or ignores it altogether. During the middle school years, bullying is especially common as children attempt to establish their place and find their social circle. Sometimes, this means singling out another child, a behavior that's referred to as relational aggression. Types of Bullying Parents Should Know About Bullying tends to peak in 6th and 7th grade, then gradually declines over the next few years. Signs of Bullying Bullies can be clever and their behavior can go unnoticed for quite a while. That said, there are ways to identify bullies and whether your child has been confronted by one. If your tween has had a run in with a bully at school, on the bus, in the cafeteria, or even on the ball field, you may notice clues in their behavior and mood such as: Withdrawing from her favorite activitiesDeclining interest in school or after school activitiesWithdrawing from her friends or social circleWanting to run awayAnger (may or may not be directed at you)StressVolatile emotionsConsistently missing the busTorn clothes, backpack, or other personal itemsMissing school items, such as books, homework, lunch box, or band instrumentWanting to take protection to school such as a knife or a gunBruises and/or scrapesLoss of or increase in appetite If the signals are there, it's time for a talk. However, this isn't always an easy task for parents, as some tweens can be reluctant and embarrassed to share details of the bullying. Others may be worried that the bullies will increase their torment if they tell on them. 8 Reasons Bullying Victims Stay Silent A tween who is struggling with self-esteem may feel that they deserve to be bullied. Talking to Your Tween About Bullies Ask your child directly if there are problems or bullying issues at their school. To take the conversation a bit deeper, ask your tween if there is anyone they encounter at school who teases or makes fun of them or just seems set on making their life more difficult. If the answer to any of these questions is yes, be prepared to offer up suggestions on how your child can handle the bully in question. Sometimes, a simple response such as, "Don't talk to me that way!" or "Stop annoying me!" may be enough to deter the bullies or quiet them down. 7 Things Parent's Don't Know About Bullying—But Should It may help to role play situations that your tween might encounter, arming them with possible solutions to the bullying interaction. Encourage your tween to avoid the bully as much as possible and stay close to their own friends when the bully is present. It's also important that your child understands that it's not their fault they're being targeted by a bully. Be sure that your child knows they can ask teachers, coaches, or even their bus driver for help. Is Your Child Likely to Be Bullied? Empower Your Tween to Speak Up If the bullying continues, make sure your tween feels empowered to talk to the trusted adults in their life about the bullying without feeling like they're "tatting." Once you've talked to your child about bullying and helped them develop strategies, know what your next steps will be if your tween's attempts to stop the bullying don't succeed. How to Teach Kids to Handle Bullies When to Step In As a parent, you may need to step in and request a meeting with the principal or your child's teachers. Be clear with them that you expect the bully's behavior to be addressed, to stop, and that the school will follow up to ensure that it doesn't start again. As a last resort, you might consider talking to other parents about the issue—but do so only with the teacher, guidance counselor, or principal present. The Pros and Cons of Calling a Bully's Parents Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback! Get diet and wellness tips to help your kids stay healthy and happy. Sign Up You're in! Thank you, {{form.email}}, for signing up. There was an error. Please try again. What are your concerns? Other Inaccurate Hard to Understand Submit