7 Bad Behaviors Parents Should Correct ASAP

Why you should correct these bad behaviors now, before kids get older

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Recently, I witnessed SEVERAL examples of bad behavior in three different preteen kids, just in one weekend. These were all different kids of different genders and backgrounds from different families, and in different settings. The only thing they had in common was that they seemed to be between 10 and 12, and were behaving abominably.

In the first incident, a girl spoke to me in a rude way when I asked her parents and her a simple question. The parents were lovely, but their daughter snapped at me and all but called me stupid for asking them for information about something. (And no, my question was actually not stupid.) The one thing that I noticed--besides her shocking rudeness--was that her parents made no move to correct or even comment on her behavior.

The second example of bad behavior involved a boy who kept clowning around despite the teacher's repeated requests to stop during a trip to a museum. She had limited time to teach an important lesson, and this child basically caused things to run late and took the teacher's time and energy away from the rest of the class because she had to repeatedly deal with his horrible behavior.

The third example involved a boy who seemed to be with a group of of kids at a birthday party at the movies. The child began throwing popcorn everywhere without any regard for those around him, and continued to do this despite the host parents repeatedly asking him to stop. (They finally had to take the popcorn away, but he continued to be disruptive.)

After I witnessed these examples of horrible, no good, very bad behavior in kids, I thought about how important it is to nip some of these bad behaviors in the bud while kids are still young. If you allow a child to get used to acting surly, disrespectful, or defiant and then try to correct these behaviors when they're reaching adolescence, it's going to be a lot tougher to turn that ship around.

Disrespect

There's a reason this bad behavior is number one on this list. When kids are routinely not respectful to you or another adult, they are basically sending a loud and clear message that they don't think they need to consider how others may feel or think.

Not treating you with respect and being rude to other adults is a bad habit that kids can quickly grow into unless you let them know straight away that it will not be tolerated.

If your child speaks to you or another adult rudely or uses backtalk, then take them aside as soon as possible after the incident and let them know in private that they will not be allowed to participate in fun things or will lose access to things they like, such as video games or TV time, unless they learn how to treat others the way they want to be treated.

And be sure to always show good manners when you interact with your child so that they can learn by example. Thank them when they do something for you, say "please," and treat them respectfully.

Defiance

Often, kids who don't respect authority don't listen. While your child may truly be distracted or dawdling when you have to repeat yourself several times, it can also be the case that they're not listening because they don't think there will be any consequences for not listening.

If they're willfully ignoring you and doing something you ask them not to do (or vice versa), discipline them right away. Take them away from the action, whether it's a family dinner or a play date, and ask them to reset themself while they think about why their choice to ignore you is not acceptable.

Allow them to come back and show you how they can "do over" those last few moments and be a better listener. If they refuse, give them consequences (such as not getting something they want to losing privileges like time with friends or TV or computer time).

Entitlement

While it's natural for parents to want to give their kids the things they want and need, giving kids nearly everything they want and need is definitely the opposite of good.

To avoid spoiling kids and prevent them from focusing on getting the things they want, let them earn or save allowance money to buy some of the things they want. Teach them how to experience and express gratitude and volunteer with them to help others.

Teaching kids how to be charitable and think about those who don't have the things they do is a great way to tone down greed and encourage them to appreciate what they have.

Tantrums

While it can be understandable for a toddler or preschooler to be cranky and have meltdowns, seeing a full-blown screaming and crying fit (and its equally bad behavior cousins pouting and whining) in a school-age child is less acceptable. A 5- or 6-year-old may have an occasional meltdown, but they should be on their way to learning how to express their frustrations in a more controlled, calm, and respectful way.

The next time your child throws a fit, ask them to go into a room or a corner and sit down until they feel calmer. Some kids may need help doing this, so you can provide assistance by remaining present and modeling calm.

Once they have reset their emotions and can listen, talk about why tantrums will make it less likely that they'll get what they want. Talk about how they could have handled the situation better and ask them to stop, take a deep breath, and think about those better choices the next time they feel frustrated.

Bullying

Parents often worry that their child may be bullied, and talk to their kids about what to do if that happens. But what if your child is the bully?

Talk with your child immediately if you suspect or find out that they've been mean and aggressive toward someone and has engaged in gossiping, teasing, or insulting behavior. Find out why they did these things and talk to them about why bullying is absolutely unacceptable and harmful for the victim as well as for them.

Lying

All kids engage in lying at some point, and very young children are often unable to distinguish between lying and imaginative play. But as kids get older, they may deliberately tell lies for specific reasons (to avoid getting into trouble, for instance).

If your child is making a habit of telling fibs, take steps immediately to find out what's behind the behavior, make it clear that you want them to stop, and show them why lying can be harmful to relationships.

Cheating

Whether it's a board game or other playful competition, some younger kids may cheat simply because they want to win. But older kids, who develop a sense of right and wrong, may cheat deliberately (say, on a test at school). Talk to your child about how cheating lessens their achievements and emphasize the importance of fair play.

Handling these bad behaviors now will leave you feeling grateful later if/when you see other kids doing the wrong thing and behaving horribly. After all, who wants to hang out with a rude or tantruming teenager?

A Word From Verywell

There are many reasons why children engage in less than desirable behaviors that others often view as bad or label as spoiled. As a society and as parents, it is important we need to view children in a positive light: They desire to make good choices.

These choices shouldn't be forced and they shouldn't be given the message that people-pleasing is the goal. Rather, focus on cultivating an internal desire to treat others with respect simply because it is the right thing to do. Encourage your child to while engage in behaviors they can be proud of, which is the foundation of changed behavior.

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