14-Year-Old Child Development Milestones

Fourteen can be a pivotal age. While some 14-year-olds start heading down the path toward becoming a healthy responsible adult, others begin to rebel and get mixed up with the wrong crowd. It's an important time to ensure you're giving your child plenty of guidance and helping your child gain the skills he needs for a successful future.

Most 14-year-olds have hit puberty by age 14. Both boys and girls tend to have hair under their arms and pubic hair by this point.

Most females have started their menstrual periods and have experienced breast development. Boys have experienced enlargement of the testicles and penis enlargement. Some of them may experience nocturnal emissions (wet dreams) for the first time.

Their changing bodies can be a source of pride or a cause for concern. Some teens may be proud of their adult-like bodies while others may be embarrassed or confused by the changes they are experiencing.

Boys who hit puberty later may be more likely to feel bad about themselves. They may experience body image issues as they are likely to compare themselves to their peers.

Girls may experience body image issues as well. It’s common for them to be concerned about their weight and appearance.

Parenting Tip

Your 14-year-old may be hungry almost all the time. Stock the house with healthy snacks and serve nutritious meals. Reduce body image issues by talking about health, rather than weight.

Fourteen-year-old teens often start to grow convinced they know everything. So don't be surprised if your teen wants to argue with you about everything or if he insists you have no idea what you're talking about.

Most teens experience great fluctuations in their self-esteem. They may feel good about themselves one day and feel extremely inadequate another.

Although mood swings can still be common at age 14, they are usually less intense than in the past. Many 14-year-olds become more easy-going as they mature.

They have usually developed the skills they need to deal with uncomfortable emotions in healthy ways. They may rely on their own strategies, like journaling or listening to music, or they may turn to their friends for support.

It’s normal for 14-year-olds to be embarrassed by their parents. They may not want to be seen being dropped off by their parents to a dance or sporting event. Or, they may insist their parents embarrass them when they meet their friends.

Parenting Tip

It's likely your 14-year-old will insist your rules are too strict or that you expect too much from her. Make it clear that she has some control over her privileges. Assign chores and expect her to do her school work. Make her privileges contingent on getting things done.

It's normal for 14-year-olds to stop confiding in their parents. Instead, they're more likely to turn to their friends and seek advice from their peers. For many families, increased independence means a major shift in the parent/child relationship.

Fourteen-year-olds want to be accepted by their high school peers. Individuality is not as important as being part of the group.

Your teen may get anxious if he doesn't feel like he fits in. It could take a toll on his self-confidence and he may be at-risk of seeking support from unhealthy people if he doesn't find a healthy place to belong.

Many 14-year-olds develop an interest in forming romantic relationships. They may have crushes or they may consider themselves in a relationship.

Parenting Tip

Show an interest in your teen’s activities. Ask questions that go beyond “yes” or “no” to open the door to more in-depth conversations. Rather than ask, “How was your day?” ask “What was the best part of your day?” and inquire about your teen’s opinions and interests.

Most 14-year-olds find justice and equality to be important issues. They are ready for long-term experiences and their interests are less fleeting.

They often want to explore the world beyond their own community. They are interested in learning what exists beyond their school, their hometown, and even their country.

Speech & Language

Your 14-year-old may seem less communicative at times. But this can be part of normal development as your teen begins solving problems and dealing with emotions on her own.

Your teen may prefer to stay in electronic communication with friends. Texting and social media are often very important at this age.

Most 14-year-olds make their preferences known. They often have favorite books and depending on how much they read, they can have extensive vocabularies.

Play

Play to a 14-year-old might include anything from playing video games to watching sporting events with friends. They are likely to enjoy making plans with their friends and they may spend time together working on goal-oriented projects with their friends. 

Parenting Tip

Respect your teen’s opinions even when you don’t agree with her. Show interest in learning more about what has shaped her ideas and why she has certain beliefs. Teens often just want to know that someone is listening to them.

 Many 14-year-olds show a strong interest in earning money but they’re usually not able to obtain formal employment. You might assist your teen in finding odd jobs that help him earn some spending money, such as mowing lawns or babysitting.

By age 14, teens should be able to perform all of the basic chores you do around the house. You might consider paying your teen to do the jobs you might pay someone else to do, like mow the lawn or wash the car. Paying your teen can be a good way to start teaching your teen valuable life lessons about money.

 All teens develop at slightly different rates. So while some 14-year-olds will look and act more like adults, others may still be quite child-like. Usually, there’s no cause for concern as kids will all catch up to one another in the near future.

If however, you are concerned about your teen’s immaturity, it’s important to talk to your child’s physician.  A physician can rule out any physical or mental health issues and may refer your child to a specialist if necessary.

Eating disorders can develop during the teen years as well. Keep an eye on your teen’s eating habits. Skipping meals, purging, and crash diets are red flags that could signal your teen needs professional help.

A Word From Verywell

Age 14 is a great time to make sure your teen has the skills she needs to become an adult. Get purposeful about teaching her life skills and give her opportunities to practice those skills on her own.

Keep in mind that raising a 14-year-old can be a little tumultuous at times and sometimes, you might feel like you’ve taken one step forward and two steps backward in terms of your teen’s progress. But, overall, your teen should be showing she can handle greater responsibility as she approaches age 15.